SAM MEETS HIS BROTHERS

Sam's body is swollen from all of the medications that he is on. His skin looks very tight....it was.

Taylor meeting Sam...he was nervouse at first, but then he was glad he came.

Exhausted parents.......I was so glad to see Sam finally......this would be our life for awhile.

The next morning I showered and got ready as soon as possible. I informed the nurses that I was leaving and then we were gone. Once we arrived at the Stollery we headed up to the NICU. We were about to enter into a world that I never imagined I would have to be in. Whenever you are going through something we all tend to associate with people who can understand what we are going through. Rod and I were about to walk through the doors to the NICU and discover a place we had no idea existed. We knew it was there, but not really. It really becomes a home away from home. The support that is needed is huge and only other families and staff members can truly relate to what you are going through.

I will never forget the first time that I saw Sam. The nurses had stopped us outside just before we came in to let us know what to expect. I heard what they were saying, but then when you acutally see your baby....well let's just say all the warnings in the world aren't enough. Sam had 5 central lines plus he was on a machine that was breathing for him. He was hooked up to numerous other machines all playing a part in helping him get better. He was on so many different medications and he was being fed through a tube. They had paralyzed his body so he couldn't move because the slightest movement made his blood pressure go up. We could touch him and speak softly, but there was to be no loud noises and Rod and I were not even allowed to speak to one another across his bed. All of this caused his blood pressure to go up...something they were trying to avoid.

I finally got an opportunity to speak with his nurse. She had said that his night was very rough and they chased his blood pressure all night long. In the morning though, he seemed to have settled a little bit.....I think it was all of the prayer. All I wanted to do was hold Sam, but I couldn't.....any stimulation made his blood pressure go up and all kinds of alarms went off. It was very hard to sit and watch your child so lifeless....I spent the whole day praying and watching the machine breathe for Sam. I couldn't take my eye off of the monitor that was telling us how much oxygen he was getting.....it was approixmately 80%....normal is 100%....but this was acceptable right now. He just needed to get strong so he needed to rest his heart and let the machines do all of the work for him.

We had a lot of support from friends and family...they were invaluable to me. Rod went home and got the boys and my mom to visit Sam. It was important to me that the Taylor, Jesse, and Kyle meet their brother......Sam's survival was still very uncertain at this point. At anytime his heart could fail and we would lose him. We brought the boys in one at a time and we took pictures of each of them. Taylor took it the hardest....he could hardly look at Sam and all of the tubes. We explained to him that he needed to meet his brother because if Sam didn't live he would grow to regret that. Taylor gathered his courage and once he saw him and got past the tubes he was fine. Each of the boys had made a card for Sam......I still have them....they are priceless. My mom just kept stroking Sam's little hand...I know it was hard on her to watch this. She had come to stay with us to help out once the baby was born....things changed. Life has a way of doing that to you.

It was a miracle Sam survived the first night......my prayers were answered. I now had hope that maybe Sam was going to pull through all of this. I had no idea that my faith would be tested so much over the next 5 weeks. I was going to take it one day at a time......and today we had made it and that was enough.